During the last five months or so, I’ve been both the recipient and provider of hospitality (at least I hope I was hospitable!). I traveled to Guatemala with Hungry For Life and stayed in the home of a very gracious pastor and his family. I spent time in the Maritime provinces of Canada enjoying the hospitality of a couple who were almost complete strangers to us! But I was also given the gift and responsibility of hosting others. An HFL partner from Cambodia came to Canada and needed a place to sleep one night. A farm worker from the Solomon Islands started attending our church and, knowing his trade language a little, my husband and I have worked to include him in our family since he’s so far away from his.
Have I learned anything from these interactions? I think so, and I’d like to call it “reciprocal hospitality” as does Karen Gonzalez in Beyond Welcoming: Centering Immigrants in Our Christian Response to Immigration. My true confession is that I have only read a brief excerpt from her book...so far.
So what have I learned? Well, let’s say that I am hosting, or being hospitable to, an immigrant, a refugee, a foreign worker, or a stranger. We’re told to practice hospitality to the Lord’s people (Romans 12:13), who are possibly already known to us, but we are also told to show hospitality to strangers (Hebrews 13:2). So I open my home to a stranger, giving them a meal, perhaps a room to sleep, some conversation, and a window into my life as a believer. But that’s not all. In a reciprocal hospitality situation, my demeanor and authenticity welcome the visitor to open up their heart to me, to share the hard things - and the good things - in his or her life. I open my home and they open their hearts. By doing so, I (and they) practice reciprocal hospitality.
But now let’s say that I am the guest. I am hosted by a stranger, perhaps someone with greater wealth and finances than me, or maybe someone with less wealth and worldly goods than me. In either case, they open their homes and share what they have with me; in turn, I willingly share what’s in my heart with them. Perhaps it’s something I’ve been struggling with, or something that has struck me that’s good in their culture. We start leveling the outward things that differentiate us, and find the things that make us one as equally important parts in the body of Christ. Again, we are practicing reciprocal hospitality.
God models this for us. He came to earth in Jesus Christ and, in some sense, he comes to us as a guest in our homes, our lives, and our relationships when we welcome him to do so by sharing our hearts with him. He also hosts us, welcoming us into his kingdom, welcoming us into a relationship of fellowship with him.
Some of us find it hard to be a guest, hard to accept the hospitality of someone we see as more needy than ourselves or maybe more wealthy than ourselves, but if we refuse that hospitality we build a divide between us, exuding the sense that they and their housing and food are not good enough for us…or too good for us.
On the other hand, some of us find it hard to host others, feeling that we or our homes aren’t good enough for others. We feel inadequate to bridge the gaps of wealth, language, or customs. We use our fear of inadequacy to miss out on the opportunity to bless others and be blessed by the experience of practicing hospitality. But it’s not really an option; it’s a command.
Is it an accident that it’s called “practicing” hospitality? Absolutely not! The more we do it, both as guest and as host, the better we will get at it, the more easily we will let go of our expectations and our pride. As a host, I can start small: go for a walk with someone I don’t know, buy a new acquaintance a coffee. I can work up to inviting someone to my home for coffee… and then a meal…and then maybe overnight! As a guest, I can start small; I can share about my family and work, and offer to do the dishes. Then I can work up to sharing something hard in my life, perhaps asking my host for prayer.
I cannot “neglect to show hospitality.” Why? According to scripture, first of all, it’s commanded of me (see Romans 12:13 again). Secondly, if I don’t…take a deep breath here…I might miss the opportunity to see angels! (Hebrews 13:2). Thirdly, by showing hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, perhaps strangers to us and perhaps not, I have the opportunity “to work together for the truth” (3 John 8).
Rebecca VanDoodeward, in “How Can I Practice Hospitality?” gives four other reasons to practice hospitality: it’s an expression of love, it fosters selflessness, it provides a refuge, and deepens fellowship. Those are things I desire. I want to be more loving and humble, providing a safe place and being more welcoming to those who, with me, are part of God’s people, the body of Christ.
“An atmosphere of welcome,” says Lorin Pahlau (“Hospitality: A Welcome of the Heart”), “always begins in the heart, because the things that keep us from being hospitable to one another also begin in the heart. A heart of welcome listens to understand. This heart comes from a place of humility and generosity. This heart has been wholeheartedly pursued by a Jesus who loves to draw near to its suffering and anguish. As you have been loved, so love.” By the way, don’t try to do this and grumble at the same time. It’s simply not the God way of doing it (I Peter 4:9)!
And now what? Well, my husband and I just practiced being hospitable as guests during our working vacation; in just a week or so, we will have the opportunity to practice being hospitable as hosts. May we hear the command and practice obeying it…without grumbling!
Hospitality brings our hearts together. We get to know each other, to share what’s important to us, and to show love as both listener and speaker. Our hearts are already connected to those we know, to those we call friends or family, but God (amazingly!) shows his love to all people by inviting them to become part of his family, and he wants us to do the same, showing hospitality to those who we don’t yet know - strangers to us. That is true hospitality - reciprocal hospitality!
